Inspired by everyone else’s tips for what not to do while you are drunk.
* Do not attempt yoga whilst wearing platform heels, and a large formal dress. Eventually, you will hit a series of twisting lunge poses, and a friend will yell, “look at the ceiling!”
This will cause a majorly injured wrist, which will hurt like a bee-yotch, and you will be mighty confused as to how it can hurt so much when you are so drunk.
* Do wear panties. Cute ones. For when you decide that you are going to try to fling off your skirt whilst crossing Hennipin avenue, this is essential should you succeed.
* Always start with the good stuff. Because after an indeterminable number of drinks, you won’t care how good that Marilyn Merlot is.
* Never enter a political discussion. Or, well, any discussion involving things you are passionate about. It will just get ugly.
* If you’ve already been drinking, and someone is holding a large styrofoam cup and says, “Does anyone want this? I’ve poured it, and don’t want it anymore.” find out what’s in the cup before you slam it like a shot. It will be chock full of Yukon Jack, and you may or may not be able to stand up anymore.
* Don’t wear clothing that is not completely secure (see Hennepin avenue example) as you may pull a Janet Jackson when you take off your coat at the diner post-bar. You will probably offend the people at the table next to you, and they will leave. Or maybe this is a do, because you’ll get to sit at their comfy booth, instead of a crappy table.
* Don’t get plastered at a cast party. You’ll just wind up marrying the guy that has to drive you home.
Or just wear underpants for that matter. If I only had a nickel for every time I flung my skirt off on Hennepin and…uhhhh wait a minnit..