So, there’s this thing going around on Facebook where people get a number, and they have to reveal that number of things about themselves that other people might not now. When someone posts their list of things, you can like it and they will assign you a number, so on and so forth. So, after seeing a number of them, I finally liked one. My number is 12. Yeah, 12. Not two or four or even eight. TWELVE! So, buckle up. You’re about to learn 12 things about me. Maybe. I can’t help it if you already know one or five or all of them. I don’t know your life!
1) I have some guilty pleasure songs. The guiltiest pleasures include anything by Britney Spears. Her music is terrible and amazing. The other guiltiest pleasures: “See You Again” by Miley Cyrus, “Glad You Came,” by The Wanted, and “Blurred Lines,” by Robin Thicke. I would be ashamed. However, I have no shame.
2) If I really like something or one, or somehow feel kindred to it/him/her I become obsessed. Ob. Sessed. Examples are taxidermy (if you see a reasonably priced taxidermied peacock and/or peahen, hit my digits), Tilda Swinton, little people (moreso the conditions behind it), hairless animals, albino animals, hairless animals with albinism, ravens, and old timey circuses.
3) I will make up and sing songs about anything. For example: We were remodeling the condo and I was hammering some nails to attach molding. So, I started singing a reggae-style song about hammering. It went a little something like this:
I’ve got a hammer, have you got a hammer? Let’s get hammering all night long. I’ve got a nail, if you’ve got a hammer, let’s get hammered all night long.
I plan to put it on my home improvement themed album.
4) When I was an assistant manager of a video store, a friend and I started a fake band called “Dumb Bitch.” The store manager was our band manager and song writer and my boyfriend at the time made us a CD booklet. I’m not gonna lie, we were going places.
5) I just might be the most misanthropic person you will meet. I generally hate people. I don’t like interacting with them, being around them, what have you. I tend to think the worst of people, unless they prove otherwise. It takes a lot for me to consider someone a friend and to let them in, so to speak. So, if you are reading this, and I consider you a friend, you are a rare species. I doubt that it will help you out in a useful way, but I will share my booze with you. My booze means a lot to me. I guess you could say it’s my love language.
6) I love pizza. I know a lot of people say that, but I really love pizza. I could eat it every day. I can eat it when I am not hungry. Once, while watching the academy awards, I consumed a large pizza by myself. I could regret eating too much pizza, but I don’t. I would blame it on the melted cheese, but I have eaten a lot of cheeseless pizza too. I would marry pizza, but it is illegal in all states (that I am aware of), as it should be.
7) I like gin. Not just any gin, but good gin. I am very picky about it. You don’t put olives in gin. It’s blasphemy. You stir gin, not shake it, so you don’t bruise it. Ideally you would stir it 50 times, and do every tenth stir in the opposite direction, not too fast because again with the bruising. Mmmmm….gin.
8) My CDs have to be in their cases, perfectly straight. I get all weirded out by abstract designs that make this difficult. I don’t like when the CD doesn’t fit in the case tightly enough to prevent it from spinning so that when I open it, it’s all janky. Yes, I still have CDs. Only the ones for bands/artists I really love, though.
9) If you tell me something can’t be done, I will do whatever I can to do it. Like, in preschool, when I was given those stupid safety scissors and told that while they could cut paper, they couldn’t cut skin. I was all, “Oh, I think they can!” So, I worked really hard to get those scissors to cut me, just to prove that they could cut skin and were not any safer than other scissors. I was a weird kid. I did not grow out of it.
10) I have a weirdly long neck. Yeah, I know. You will totally be looking at it the next time you see me. I didn’t know until I was in high school and it was pointed out to me. Then, I totally noticed. My neck problems made a lot more sense, since my neck folds over like a giraffe’s if I’m not careful.
11) My face is totally asymetrical. I don’t mean a little. I mean, enough that when I went in for the consultation to get braces, the orthodontist asked if I had been in a terrible accident or had reconstructive surgery. (Which is a really confidence booster for a 12-year-old!) One of my eyes is round and the other is more almond. My jaw is oblong on one side and square on the other. My theory is that I’m actually twins. It explains a lot. Oh, and the right side of my body is larger than my left. My right arm and leg are longer, the leg enough that it causes scoliosis, though not enough that I limp. Twins!
12) I was bowlegged as a wee lass. To correct this I got special shoes. They were basically hideous brown, open-toed boots that were attached to a flat steel bar. When we picked them up at the shoe store, I was all, “WTF mate?” Okay, that wasn’t a direct quote, but it’s the gist of what I said. There was another kid in the store getting shoes. Just regular shoes. I was very suspicious about why this other kid could totally get regular shoes that didn’t have a big metal bar attached to them. My parents told me they were my “TV watching shoes.” As in, while I was wearing them for whatever the period of time I was supposed to wear them in a day was I could watch TV. I think they thought it just might get me to sit still while wearing the apparatus. I was very proud that I figured out how to walk in them. I clanged around the house like a champ. I guess that didn’t matter, because I am not bowlegged now!
And this is yet another reason why I love you! You completely ROCK!
Awww, thanks Toni!!!!! xoxox