As we sat at the pub last night, I realized how I really am not understanding today’s trends at all. I mean, when I see a random sampling of the atrocities that pass for fashion, I can ask myself wtf were they thinking and move on. However when I am at a mainstream bar, they are out in full force. The women that think they look great, because they are wearing exactly what everyone else is wearing. But seriously, this shit doesn’t look good on anyone. And, I never thought I would say this, but the original things from the 80’s that this crap is based on looks better.EEK!
Here’s the thing, I am a clothing/fabric/shoe whore. I love to see the construction, how the fabric works with the design, how it all comes together with accessories. I always have. I still occasionally design and construct original items (when I have spare time). I wear things that are flattering to me. I try to purchase things that i love enough that I will wear for a long time, and that are either classy or funky enough to not be trendy.
Thus I am perplexed. First of all, who made the decision that short would constitute dressy or formal wear? I spied a woman last night who would have looked gorgeous had her bermuda shorts been slacks. Instead she looked stumpy and confused. Although the bermudas aren’t quite as bad as the daisy dukes in tweed or satin or whatever paired with the same spike heels and glittery top. These are not looks that work on anyone. Then there are the knit gauchos that are all the rage. I am sure they are comfortable. For dance rehearsal. And the days when that is the only time they were worn were sweet indeed. Now I see women wearing them constantly. As casual wear, as formal wear. Anything that causes camel toe such as these gauchos, needs to be banned. I thought it was just a Courtney Peldon thing, but apparently it has spread to the masses. Then there are the shirts that look just like the sundresses i wore when i was 6. Oh, they were so cute on a six-year-old, what with the smocked top and the gathered skirt and empire waist… They would still be cute on a six-year-old. However, on a 28-year-old with too much makeup and a racerback bra…uh, no. Actually, on a pregnant woman, they would also be cute. But, why try to look like you are trying to smuggle a watermelon out of the restaurant? On purpose? There are all sorts of tops it seems that are only designed to make every woman on the planet look as though they are due any minute. I’m surprised that I haven’t seen more mumus and housedresses out and about. They would be more flattering, and you could pass yourself off as the neighborhood crazy lady.
And, while i am on this tangent…what is up with the purposely pre-wrinkled clothing? the first time i saw it in a store, I thought it was a new shipment that had to be steamed out. No, it’s a choice apparently. A choice to look like you forgot to take your clothes out of the washer for two weeks after the cycle completed, so your top dried in a ball, and you don’t own an iron, or have time to re-wash your clothes properly. Man, when I forget to pull my shit out of the dryer and hang it to cool, I am not wearing that out in public.
finally, did they stop manufacturing clothing in sizes? I mean is there just one size of pants that is two sizes too small for everyone, so any fat that is on their bodies is forced out over the waistband? Then of course, the tops are also too small, pushing the fat even further over the pants. Buy some clothing that fits. I understand weight fluctuation, believe me, I do. But when I gained 20 pounds, (which are gone now) I got a couple of things that fit, so that I didn’t look even larger. I am paranoid enough about having fat rolls without creating them where they don’t necessarily exist on their own.
I just don’t get it. There are clothes that flatter every body type, weight, etc. There are multiple sizes. Wearing a tent or a sausage casing are not flattering. I am all for loving your body, but then that whould mean you know how to flaunt it best. And there are some things that just should not be worn by anyone. And to see, literally, armies of women wearing this shit like a uniform…scares me.
Alright, I am off to wash my mind’s eye out with some bleach.