…your blog’s a joke, you’re broke…
So last weekend we saw Kill Bill: Volume one. This was a seriously excellent film, definitely one of Tarantino‘s best acheivements. It spurred a sort of Tarantino lovefest for us, as we rented Jackie Brown the next night. I had never seen it (blasphemy, I know!). I liked it, but definitely not his best. It could be that it was based on an Elmore Leonard novel, it seemed a lot like The Big Bounce in that it moved really slowly, then everything got revealed at once. It should have been paced more quickly, which I know Quentin is capable of. I am dissappointed that Kill Bill isn’t up for more Oscar action.
Which leads me to say, I love Uma Thurman. She’s on my Lesbian/threesome list (to be further explained in a later post)…she’s talented, drop-dead gorgeous, and she depresses me. I was thinking about it after seeing her kick major ass in KB (I’m just too lazy to type the whole thing again)…I will never be as good looking as she is, but I am totally capable of being a great actor. However,I am wayyyy fucking behind. I realized that she made Pulp Fiction when she was 23/24. It was not her first movie. She’d already been in some fantastic films prior to that. I’m 25. I have done community theatre. I work in a coffee shop. I have 20 pounds to lose. It doesn’t help that every time I look up someone whose work I admire, I find that they are either younger than I am currently, or by the time they were my age, they already had a sizable body of work. I’m not older than dirt yet, but I certainoly ain’t getting younger. I know I need to buckle down and make something happen, and fast. If you would have asked me where I’d be in five years, five years ago…it wouldn’t be here.
Right now, I am struggling with a dillemma. Do I do whatever I can to put a roof over G‘s and my heads (not including anything that would sacrifice my personal beliefs), and focus on doing work that is important to me? The whole reason that I love acting/performing is for the effect it has on people. Because it is a way to put out important messages, make people think, make them feel…It makes me think about new situations, makes me learn…I like the creative process, putting together a piece of art…in live theatre I love the energy exchange…I long to create a piece like one of the many that has shaped the way I think/feel/live…anyway, do I do that, and figure that eventually the projects I take will progress into something big? That eventually the acting can pay my bills?
Or do I ditch the idea of a day job, and just take any acting gig that comes my way, regardless of what it is (not including porn) and hope that some of the work will be good stuff…that somehow doing the crap acting gigs will lead to doing important things…
I thought that by now I would know what I want to do with my life. Instead I question it all…I feel like no matter what I do, it will not be important enough. I long to leave the earth a better place than it was before I arrived, but is that too tall an order? Damn…Iknow that I will do whatever I am meant to do…I just wish I knew what that was.